Panelists: Soila & Curtis, Liali Joseph & Isla
1. Should Christians date?
– Yes, they should. As long as Christians should marry and procreate, then they should date. They too are humans. Dating prepares them for marriage.
– It is good to build yourself before coming into a relationship, and grow even more while in the relationship.
2. Who should pursue the other?
– It is good and important for a man to take the initiative to pursue a lady. But if it happens that a guy and a girl are in a close friendship, and the guy seems to be suggestive yet he is not saying anything, then it is important for a lady to ask him where the friendship is heading, so as to have clarity.
3. Who to pursue for a relationship?
– Someone you share similar beliefs, values and have mutual respect. The character of a person is best judged through the fruit of the Spirit.
– Friendship is of great essence as it offers the basis for you to know the other person well. You can also get to know more about the other person through their friends.
– God’s command is that we be not unequally yoked with unbelievers. Therefore, you should never court a nonbeliever. (II Corinthians 6:14)
– Once in a relationship, keep a clear boundary with your friends of opposite sex. This is important for you, and it also helps not to ignite jealousy in your partner.
– People fall into sin with the people they least expect, because they get careless around them. So we should watch out.
– Take courtship with the seriousness it deserves right from the start.
– When the other part says ‘NO’ to courtship, this ought not to be a reason to bring an end to the friendship. The friendship should continue in mutual respect.
4. What is the difference between Christian and secular dating?
– Christ makes all the difference.
– Christian dating has a clear vision, and it is guided by the Word of God. It is also characterized by selfless love, but not selfishness (refer to I Corinthians 13).
– During courtship you should not submit to your partner as though you are already married. But this does not cancel out the place of serving one another.
– ‘making it pure to the altar’ is a good aspiration, but it should not be the main goal of courtship, as this makes it an idol. The main focus should be to glorify Christ at all times and in all ways.
5. How far is too far in courtship?
– Anything that you do in courtship should be to glorify God, considering His great love; His grace and mercy. Therefore, anything you do in courtship that causes you to sin, and so God is not glorified, is already too far, and therefore you should avoid it.
– It is important to set parameters early in a relationship.
6. What is the place of the community in courtship?
– The community helps in ensuring growth, fruitfulness and accountability in courtship.
– It should be formed by your Christian peers as well as Christian adults. Be diligent when discerning who to be part of your community.
– Above all, seek and submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
– When we sin in courtship, the party most offended is God and also our community.
7. What makes Christian dating fruitful?
– Fruitfulness in courtship is not an accident. There are principles to be observed. One of them is doing regular introspection to see whether both of you are really growing. But don’t do it legalistically.
8. How long should courtship take?
– There is no standard period for courtship. But when you are at least stable, just proceed to marriage.
9. When to call it a quit?
– There are several reasons that may cause an end to courtship. For instance, when there is no evidence of growth, no vision, no change of character etc.
– You are not Christ to change your partner.
– If the relationship is not working, don’t wait till marriage. Just quit! A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
– But remember that no one is perfect. So be gracious to your partner and keep praying for him/her.
10. Should there be a break in courtship?
– It is tricky to have break(s) in courtship. Better a break up than a break. But if you are to break up, do it honorably and out of love.
For further reflections:
– Check the YouTube channel of Soila and Curtis
– Read the book ‘Redeeming Weddings’ by Liali Joseph and Isla
THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY THAT WHICH IS FOUNDED IN CHRIST, ROOTED IN HIM AND BUILT ON HIM, ALL TO THE GLORY OF HIS NAME.
Compiled by J.K. Wakaria